Secular Bar Mitzvah: a 13th Year Rite of Passege

More secular Jew head to the beach on sabbath than to schule. Modern day secular Judaism is vital and fulfilling without traditional ceremonies / © 2010

In the Jewish tradition a boy becomes a man at age 13. In a big religious ceremony a boy "comes out" to the community by reading from the Torah (bible scroll) in front of his community. But the old Jewish traditions are not as important to secular Jews in Israel. Here, 13 year olds are not yet as mature as Jews needed to be in biblical times, this rite of passage is more of an echo to tradition than reality of giving a just inducted "man" the rights and responsibilities of an adult (permission to marry, leave the home and start an independent life.) It seems that at this age boys are more worried about scoring goals in soccer or getting a kiss from a girl.

Tradition is still followed and 13 year-olds learn to chant the "parasha" (weekly Torah portion) and read it at an appointed sabbath in front of the local synagogue congregation. This is usually in the local neighborhood synagogue where the family lives. Family and close friends are invited to this event. But the real deal is the party. A bar-mitzvah is the biggest party a family gives a man sometimes just a bit smaller in size than a wedding ceremony. This is a chance for the family to invite friends and neighbors. An old family friend, my father's medical school buddy who lives close had a grandson's bar mitzvah party. The party was last Friday afternoon in a Jaffa restaurant. The boy's father is a musician and a music school owner. The family invited the kids from the boy's school and they were entrained by a bunch of video games and computer music games (Nintendo Wii, guitar hero) and fast food (McDonald's, Hummus, and Coke)

American and European Jews sometimes put down and dismiss Israeli secular Judaism. For them we are not devout enough and we do not practice the way our ancestors did 100 years ago (or even longer for orthodox communities which literally dress and speak in a fashion similar to 17th century eastern European Jews.) But what you see in religious secular events is vitality. Kids are happy to be part of these events they make speeches very much in line with thinking about the change from childhood to adulthood. Today children do not get a herd of goats to pilot through the hills, they do not get a bride to care for and start a family, with all it's responsibilities. These events in an Israeli man's life come after military service. First a man need to protect the country and carry a gun in battle (or drive a tank.) Then comes the more ancient responsibility of earning a living and building a family.

The change in bar-mitzvah rituals in Israeli life and the misunderstanding of these practices in more traditional communities like the US and Europe is a gap. The traditional Jewish faith and old ceremonial practices are clashing with modern Israeli Jews. Israelis do not understand the huge gap between Israel's reality and image. They can't really explain why they want to continue in their Jewish life yet be completely secular. Actually, to most Israeli there is no dilemma in these matters. This absence of friction (or doubt, dilemma) is what Israelis can not explain. American Jews do not understand how a Jew can live in Israel and NOT BE ORTHODOX AND DEVOUT. Somewhere in original Zionist and religious image of Israel not much was imagined of life without traditional religious practices and ceremonies. Or maybe it's the landscape of Orthodox, Conservative and Reform movements in the US which have been the status-quo for a century now. Actually, Zionist probably did not imagine secular Jews at all, specially religious Zionists. Not that most Jews pray three times a day with a minyan (a group of 10 men), or eat only kosher or keep the shabbat (refrain from work, shopping and selling, etc.) In America and Europe majority of Jews do not practice Judaism actively. Maybe this was true 100 years ago in Europe and Arab countries as well, we are just not aware of these statistics today. In America that was true for the most part when most Jewish immigrates arrived a century ago. So most Jews around the world simply have not seen life in secular Israel. If your parents or even you wondered what life would be like in Israel and how a bar-mitzvah rite of passage would evolve from shtettle life and religious ceremonies, than come see high-school kids play Wii... XBox... and eat burgers with fries. See them write about adulthood and responsibility and dance to 80's rock & roll, that's the real vitality of Jews keeping Abraham's tradition with a real vital Jewish life today, here, FOR REAL.